FTMT's Favourite Five Top Tenets

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Paul McCartney's Lamborghini

On the street or on the TV
On the beach in her bikini
Like a woman likes the meaning
All the boys are heavy breathing.

In the pages, on the screen
Everywhere you've ever been
Tyre marks black across the road
All the places that you want to go.

Wire wheels and shiny machinery
Paul McCartney's Lamborghini.

Sunday, June 05, 2011

Couch v Sofa

"Great, that stuck up bitch won't ever notice a twenty missing from her handbag, nor that mascara either."

"This is fecking useless, a horrible tinny sound that won't impress Simon or the other judges."

"Ok, I'm fed up with you SKY, so maybe I can't recall my PIN number, you lot must have it on file somewhere, I'm payin' £40 a month for this."

Not a couch but a sofa, a return to the settee: Doe eyed and supremely satisfied with their lot in life they sprawl barefoot in carefree ecstasy never worried about the interest free bow-wave that crashes before them. Sofa women enjoy the warmth and comfort of having nothing to worry about or be responsible for as they relax into sofa induced trances in their perfect staged lounges across the world of advertisements. There are no spills, crumbs or pet hairs here in the sofa dimension. Couches are king, places to dream dreams, stroke cheap guitars, rummage in a neighbours handbag while she makes the coffee, talk to the sofa help line on the phone – it's all like a perfect world stuck in 1955 (which we all know happened to be the perfect year) and nothing needs be paid for until after the divorce is finalised.