FTMT's Favourite Five Top Tenets

Friday, February 24, 2012


Today on the radio:

The industrial scale scam was worth more than £60m.

I prefer to eat from a small plate for reasons of scale, appetite and hygiene. I think you'll find that it can also work for you.

If you break the rules you can make a lot of money.

It was alleged that the man from the North of England stole four ferrets, three rabbits, four guinea pigs, four baby rabbits and a skipping rope.

“The surgery discomfort and irritation persists, it will take a little of time to erase itself from the pain glands,” said the troubled and badly translated Indian actor by now aged 69.

You can be lucky and not get shot at.

It's not the same Chelsea Girl as the Chelsea Girl you're thinking of, no, not at all.

Any action taken going forward must be sanctioned by the Arab League, God Bless them.

Tortured and tormented, why is the Scream so popular?

(The Scream) It adorns countless mugs...in homes around the world.

The case has been closely watched and could trigger a major shake up in the way football TV rights are sold, or maybe not.

The man told another man in Croydon, “it was me”.

The AN-148 is a relatively new Russian jet but a wheel fell off.

There's a great night of television entertainment ahead of us.

There are more people now in the country than there were in Victorian times.

Society as a whole changes, we can see that clearly right now, we can see telephone books and shipping records as never before.

He was the sport's poster boy but now he's acting like a complete arse.

Slow broadband hits “many homes”.

“Have you noticed that the clouds are dropping in New Zealand?” “I'm not a cloud expert” she replied.

A man punched another man and then pushed yet another other man in a bar where beer was sold at quite reasonable prices.

An expert carefully removed it using only a convenient fish slice.

A small number of activists are really trying hard to fuck things up.

A portrait that may or may not be of Emily Bronte has been sold for the price of a half decent second hand car, nobody was particularly surprised.

My reaction was shock but not surprise, this is because I'm unclear on the precise meaning and common uses of the word surprise.

A teenager who posed as Katie Price has been given a community sentence.

Is there or is there not a support network in place for people trying to cope?

Everybody had these posters sitting on the desk just waiting to put them up.

Dawkins is not sure if God exists and neither am I. I'm also not sure that Dawkins exists.

A century of sand dredging in the Bristol Channel and where are we?

The A905 is still partially blocked. More from me in around fifteen minutes.

Thursday, February 02, 2012

Wicked Love Songs

Wasting all your time writing love songs
But you don't love me enough
Wasting all your time writing love songs
But you don't love me enough

Just wicked love songs
Just more wicked love songs
And a ragged doll.