FTMT's Favourite Five Top Tenets

Friday, January 20, 2006

Things I cannot do



List of things I cannot do (and you can't either)

Be God

Be good

Be bad


Knit with pasta

Knit with turpentine

Forgive my parents

Forgive your parents

Understand quantum physics

Dislike smoking


Cry on demand

Sing in tune for long periods

Make pasta from scratch

Stay awake all night when sober

See new colours

See small print

Fix my own headaches

Concentrate on a problem

Seek a long term solution

Understand foodies

Build a spacecraft

Snorkel in Antarctica

Like wasps

Like monkeys

Like clowns

Appreciate conceptual artwork

Smile on command

Shave the back of my own neck

Keep money in my current account for long periods of time

Take a steady photograph

Enjoy other people’s misery

Change a tyre on a Landrover

Dislike pipe or cigar smoke

Drink a whole bottle of whisky

Eat mussels no matter how they are prepared

Learn languages

Stop fidgeting

Put my ear in my elbow and a range of other physical stuff

Get hooked on soap operas

Get hooked on operas

Get hooked on fishing

Respect 95% of politicians

Leave my laundry more than a week

Not flick over TV channels during adverts

Take part in surveys

Believe in the current version(s) of history

Easily start a fire

Dislike myself

Not respond when my family needs something

Get to the point where I want to stop

Go to a supermarket and not buy milk

Function at work from four thirty

Stay on a diet for any length of time

Read a book in one sitting

Remember the names of all my favourite films

Stay away from you

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