Fictitious Hippie Wedding

It's all a sham, there were no hippies, nothing new age or old age. Just bright colours that darted around the sky, filled the corners of the garden, poked people in the eye. We were drunk and happy on the thoughts of being drunk and happy, what a world of promise there was and most of it was simply down to never reading a newspaper. Charles Dickens and Daryl's chickens, famous storytellers and food producers. Everyone was safe because there was no sense of danger. The dream has ended now that  a wave of vegetarianism has swept the land and the control of the economy is out of control. The correct people could've intervened and fixed it all we didn't care about such things at the time. I was quite relieved when the practice of divination using human sacrifices came to an end, being a human and what not. 

Mirror

This is what happens in parallel worlds and when looking over shoulders and into those strange places where you maybe shouldn't look but you want to. Mysterious stuff.

Behind the chosen curve

Better late than never I suppose: After 2 weeks of multiple health screens and asking everyone to quarantine, I surprised my closest inner circle with a trip to a private island where we could pretend things were normal just for a brief moment in time.

A short walk across the greens

"Now we may be ready for anything but a round of golf is just too much (at any time of year). When we're low on leek and onion sourdough loaves, avocados or a ski trip it's a simple matter to dip into the trust fund. I don't know how the others manage, frankly I don't care. It's dog eat dog and I'm from a family of rather large dogs, high in the food chain and we do what we must do. Well my parents seem to do a lot of things and it all works out well generally (wags finger). I think the worst thing about this town is the parking, then the tourists and the locals. I've managed to avoid them all so far. It's hardly Outlander country either but they're all so intrigued with golfing history and to be honest it's a working class pastime. I'm bemused and as for the clothing choices... so if I sound like some know all stereotype it's because I choose my wine and words wisely. Not like the Americans, the Japanese and the Chinese. I'll be gone in a couple of terms, I'll flee the rain and the salt air. I'm imprisoned here for twenty weeks a year. You make your own connections don't you (that's not a question). There's always money to be made easily from a base in the West Indies, whatever the actual climate here. And we have a place there. Cassandra and I enjoy it. Yes I'd prefer to be in Antigua (very relaxing) but the correct education is important, so they say. "

Grim

Church of the poisoned mushroom: We entered the woodland passing the corpse of Red Riding Hood. We bowed, touched temples, paid respects. Somebody should have done the right thing but that wouldn't be us. You see we had "other" business. The scent of wolf was everywhere and the creatures of the woodland were sharing testimony and praying for acts of revenge. Of course no god in his right mind would listen to their drivel so it was down to us, the Grimm Brothers to get to the bottom.

She had a reputation but so does everybody, otherwise you must be invisible. Have you never been alive? And wolves, who gives a tinker's cuss if they prosper or die. Barking moon howlers. Turns out there's quite a few unburied bodies around here, nobody likes that. Messy. Makes the flesh creep, things become uncomfortable, you see red. In the end we chose to play down the trashy side of things, the scandal and the appetites. Well, it's a good little tale, a misadventure and better left to the imagination than told straight.

In the end everything dies but remains alive only as a story or a time line. The edges blur quickly between reality and fantasy and as for facts, well they matter even less. Those who saw it with their own eyes tend to be the least reliable, the ones who spin and exaggerate and put their markers down. It's about having skin in the game and we had none, we're just passing through, taking notes, smiling politely at the fat woman, the old man, the nervous children, the crone, the princess and the pedlar as they tell their version fruit,; robbery, murder, warts, sexual violence and all. Common babble but bankable enough.

Interviews and notation, asking the tough questions, getting the wrong answers but not caring. Swearing and saying thank you, avoiding the pay off and the reckoning and don't promise any credit. There's no royalties in it, even if you say you're the King of this dilapidated kingdom and all bow down. We won't care. We've to go back home, spin chairs in the office and work this up into something understandable and entertaining over coffee; your life, your experience, your pain maybe but our added fiction, hard graft and salesmanship make it travel and last.

Under the Sea

"Under the Sea from Above the Sea"

Careful use of contrived capitalization creates the perfect title for the imperfect image. It's not Google Earth, it's not some South Pacific atoll, it's not anywhere but it is somewhere, it's not the closeup of the skin of an blue turtle, it's a question but without an answer. It's all a fake. So is reality. The answer is of course "CONCRETE".

Bull Head

Bull Head by LEGO

Island of Dreams

For the time being: We're done with the English alphabet, 26 letters of predictable associations and meaning (but it's use will continue as I've no other way of expressing myself). It's all in the past now and unlikely to be revisited. We need another language with new symbols to teach us a better way to use all language. So here's a marker, a spiritual home, a tidal boundary, a pastel cartoon, a fixed border but one that moves as sure as the moon pulls. Ever changing, a watery sentry that limits your stay and your day and drowns any passing rats. A period of respectful silence may follow. Hold onto the dream.

Z

The illustrated alphabet Part 26: Z is for Z-CARS.

I grew up watching Z-Cars in black and white on a 405 line TV. It was peak time week night viewing for a few years in the 60s.  I have fond if rather blurry memories of it. To be honest there wasn't much else to watch at the time. Z-Cars was a British television drama series centred on the work of mobile uniformed police in the fictional town of Newtown, based on Kirkby, Lancashire. Produced by the BBC, it debuted in January 1962 and ran until September 1978. At the time it was a unique grimy piece of TV drama dealing with both criminal and domestic plot lines in a working class area of north west England. Over time it lost it's edge and a number of flabby spin off shows followed on based around some of the police characters portrayed in the original series of shows. The show was also a spring board for a number of well know British actor's early careers. Nobody talks about it much these days, like Coronation Street, the Beatles or the 'Stones it belongs in some strange bygone age when Britain wasn't quite as fucked up as it is today, (actually it was but we couldn't really see that very clearly at the time, now it's painfully obvious).

This isn't really how I imagined the illustrated alphabet would end but it's OK, it had to end one way or another after the 26 letters we're stuck with had been used up with their randomly allocated words. It's done now.

THE END

Y

The illustrated alphabet Part 25: Y is for YAHOO.

Yahoo! A shout of triumph, warning or just plain exhilaration. Origins likely to be lost somewhere in the annals of wild west culture in the USA. Works well in a carton format, has some comedy value if applied with the right amount of expression. Another meaning is that it describes a course or oafish person. "He's a proper Yahoo!"  I don't know any now but I may have in the past. (I'm not aware of any famous dogs called "Yahoo" so the photo above really makes no sense, it just arrived there somehow.)

Some also say that Yahoo! is an American web services provider headquartered in Sunnyvale, California, and owned by Verizon Media. The original Yahoo! company was founded by Jerry Yang and David Filo in January 1994 and was incorporated on March 2, 1995. Yahoo was one of the pioneers of early Internet  systems, email and the like in the 1990s but that's such a long time ago that nobody cares about it now.

X

The illustrated alphabet Part 24: X is for X-BOX.

X, pronounced eX. Not X-ray or Xylophone or Planet X but X box. Xbox is a video gaming brand created and owned by Microsoft. It represents a series of video game consoles developed by Microsoft, with three consoles released in the sixth, seventh, and eighth generations, respectively ... and so on. Billions of people own, operate and love these consoles. I'm not a gamer and don't play but you can't argue with the numbers and the popularity. I prefer analogue games mostly so that says something about me.

W

The illustrated alphabet Part 23: W is for WIKIPEDIA.

Wikipedia is a multilingual online encyclopedia created and maintained as an open collaboration project by a community of volunteer editors using a wiki-based editing system. It is the largest and most popular general reference work on the World Wide Web. Where the factual and non-factual core of all pub quizzes, arguments, film and TV spoilers and homework and thesis solutions peacefully abide. They're quite keen to get sustainable funding for obvious reasons, you'd think some tech big boys would try to help out (what could possibly go wrong there?).

So if you want to find out where the W formation of palm trees is, if it still exists and it's cultural significance, then you could try Wikipedia but to do that you'd probably start with Google which would eventually take you to Wikipedia or maybe YouTube. It's not complicated really.

V

The illustrated alphabet Part 22: V is for VENDETTA.

A long an violent struggle between people or families based around settling scores over things that have happened in the past. Characterized by a series of prolonged, vengeful or hostile acts. Italian in origin. Pretty obvious choice of word in the "V for" category but a good and useful word nonetheless.

U

 The illustrated alphabet Part 21: U is for UNUSUAL.

When something is unusual it's pretty much different for whatever you might have expected. Not common, not ordinary, not what people do round here etc. It's also a useful way to make a comment or express a view without sounding judgmental or revealing your true feelings about something i.e. "Your new hairstyle is quite unusual" or "that's an unusual boil you have on the end of your nose" or "It's unusual to find you in such a good mood". I'd recommend that you proceed with care when you find yourself in this area of conversation.

T

The illustrated alphabet Part 20: T is for TREAT.

Something you could enjoy, entertainment, food, drink, ice cream, etc., given by way of compliment or as an expression of friendly regard. Anything that affords particular pleasure or enjoyment. One man's pancake is another man's etc.

Also.

To act or behave toward (a person) in some specified way:to treat someone with respect. Nice.

"Treat people as you'd like to be treated", hardly original, simple to say  but not always so easy to do.

S

The illustrated alphabet Part 19: S is for STAPLE.

A staple is a U-shaped fastener made of metal but bendable and dependable.

a: a metal loop both ends of which are driven into a surface to hold the hook, hasp, or bolt of a lock, secure a rope, or fix a wire in place

b: a small wire both ends of which are driven through layers of thin and easily penetrable material (such as paper) and usually clinched to hold the layers together
c: a usually metal surgical fastener used to hold layers of tissue together (as in the closure of an incision).

Never forget, Winston Churchill had a staple diet and so should you.

R

The new illustrated alphabet Part 18: R is for RAIN.

Rain is liquid water in the form of droplets that have condensed from atmospheric water vapor and then become heavy enough to fall under gravity. Rain is a major component of the water cycle and is responsible for depositing most of the fresh water on the Earth.

"If ever I should change my name

I'd like to change my name to Rain

I don't think that I need explain

 Why I'd choose a renamed name like Rain."  

                                                                             anon.

Q

The new illustrated alphabet Part 17: Q is for QUINOA.

Quinoa is a flowering plant in the amaranth family. It is a herbaceous annual plant grown as a crop primarily for its edible seeds; the seeds are rich in protein, dietary fiber, B vitamins, and dietary minerals in amounts greater than in many grains. 

Quinoa makes a great base for many recipes and can be served as a main dish or side dish. Besides being a flavorful ingredient in many dishes, quinoa also provides many health promoting nutrients. So, what is quinoa? According to the Whole Grains Council, quinoa is a gluten-free, whole-grain carbohydrate, as well as a complete whole protein.  Which means it contains all nine essential amino acids.

The Grains and Legumes Nutrition Council states that quinoa is made up of 15 percent protein – making quinoa a good source of plant-based protein. Other benefits of quinoa include fiber, B vitamins, iron, potassium, calcium, phosphorus and vitamin E. 

Quinoa is OK but it suffers from a kind of negative image due to food snobbery and ignorance. You can buy it at your local Aldi so it can't be bad.

P

The new illustrated alphabet Part 16: 

P is for PREDESTINATION.

Predestination, in Christian theology, is the doctrine that all events have been willed by God, usually with reference to the eventual fate of the individual soul. Explanations of predestination often seek to address the "paradox of free will", whereby God's omniscience seems incompatible with human free will. In this usage, predestination can be regarded as a form of religious determinism; and usually predeterminism, also known as theological determinism. 

Believing this can make religious people "cock sure" of themselves, often becoming arrogant and elitist. They see themselves as chosen people with a right to enforce their own interpretation of God's will as they go because in their own minds they are operating "in the will of God". This can be used to explain and justify any type of action or judgement as well as excuse misdemeanors of all sorts. It's both an intellectual trap and an opportunity for exploitation and control.  A belief in predestination provides potential leverage for cruel and unspeakable acts to take place whilst providing a conscience salving excuse to explain such behaviour.

I often reflect on how many folks who became born again Christians in the 70s and 80s (Mike Pence anyone?) and have kept on with their faith have turned out to be absolute cunts as a result. In fairness it may be that even without their encounter with  faith they'd still have ended up that way.

O

The new illustrated alphabet Part 15: O is for OBJECTION.

Objection is an act of objecting, a reason or argument presented in opposition, a feeling or expression of disapproval, a statement of opposition to an aspect of a judicial or other legal proceeding, a preachy song sung in a jolly way but corrective way by an actress with a style similar to that of Julie Andrews trying to control unruly children. Shouty and loud with an agenda, you have objections? Perhaps you're just a disagreeable kind of person who wants your own way all the time regardless of the consequences. No, that can't be quite right.

N

The new illustrated alphabet Part 14: N is for NORMAL.

Normal means conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern : characterized by that which is considered usual, typical, or routine. The graph represents a normal form of distribution. Antonyms for normal include unusual, abnormal, exceptional, bizarre, curious, extraordinary, idiosyncratic, odd, out-of-the-way and strange. It's clearly not normal to include opposites in an alphabet illustration piece hence the inclusions of opposites to illustrate what might not be considered normal in an otherwise normal piece.

M

The new illustrated alphabet Part 13: M is for MURDER.

Murder is the unlawful killing of another human without justification or valid excuse, especially the unlawful killing of another human with malice aforethought. This state of mind may, depending upon the jurisdiction, distinguish murder from other forms of unlawful homicide, such as manslaughter. Manslaughter is killing committed in the absence of malice, brought about by reasonable provocation, or diminished capacity. 

Murder is commonplace in under developed countries such as the USA where any person, crazy or not can purchase an automatic weapon, wreak havoc with it and it may be considered as normal or reasonable behavior. In certain states if the victim is black or Hispanic and the murderer is a police officer then the current political regime will turn a blind eye. Nice work America. There are numerous other countries that are equally misguided in their judgement on these matters i.e. Russia, China, North Korea etc.

Most reasonable Gods seem to disapprove of murder unless it's part of some military campaign  or carried out "in their name", it's all a bit of a mess really.

L

The new illustrated alphabet Part 12: L is for LOGIN.

We've been reduced to this, our humanity and identity are summed up now in a few symbols, numerals or letters, without which access to anything in the modern world is almost impossible. Login details should never be written down but remembered somewhere in any spare part of the pink and fleshy memory you can still summon up and use. It's all so fragile when you start to think about it - however here's the official version: In computer security, logging in is the process by which an individual gains access to a computer system by identifying and authenticating themselves. The user credentials are typically some form of "username" and a matching "password", and these credentials themselves are sometimes referred to as a login. No wonder we're all on the edge of paranoia most of the time.

K

The new illustrated alphabet Part 11: K is for KARMA.

Karma is a term used loosely to describe cosmic payback and consequences. It's a nice fantasy that prevails in the thinking of boomers and beyond in the west and of course has been respected and understood as part of eastern life and religion for a lot longer. They invented it, we misappropriated it (as usual).

Karma means action, work or deed; it also refers to the spiritual principle of cause and effect where intent and actions of an individual influence the future of that individual. Good intent and good deeds contribute to good karma and happier rebirths, while bad intent and bad deeds contribute to bad karma and bad rebirths. It may or may not be a real thing but it can at least be used to moderate or explain behaviour and just might make you feel smug or righteous even when you don't deserve to.

J

    The new illustrated alphabet Part 10: J is for JOY.

Joy is the feeling of happiness and delight you experience when you discover a new kind of cake*. Life's simple pleasures are generally the best and the joy of newly found items entering into the cavalcade of your existence is one of the best. There are many other ways to illustrate the meaning and general use of the word "joy" but I'll stick with the simple cake model for the time being. 

*Aberdeen Bible cake.

I

The new illustrated alphabet Part 9: I is for Inspire.

Inspiration, inspire, or inspired may (we're not always sure of our facts despite any claims we might make) refer to: • Artistic inspiration, sudden creativity in artistic production • Biblical inspiration, the doctrine in Judeo-Christian theology concerned with the divine origin of the Bible etc. • Creative inspiration, sudden creativity: for example when a new invention is created out of the blue or the ether or some unlikely place • Inhalation, the movement of air into the lungs, breathing in. 

That sort of thing - truth is that most the time we all feel pretty much uninspired, it's tough isn't it?

H

The new illustrated alphabet Part 8: H is for HOPE.

Hope is an optimistic state of mind that is based on an expectation of positive outcomes with respect to events and circumstances in one's life or the world at large. To want something, somehow to be true. Hope is a bit on an abstract investment in an unclear future. The light at the end of the tunnel.

As a verb, its definitions include: "expect with confidence" and "to cherish a desire with anticipation." Seems reasonable to me.

It gets mentioned a lot in the Koran, Jewish and Christian Bibles, and other fictional accounts of the spiritual aspects of human history, not helpful but illustrative of how religion peddles "pie in the sky" as a reasonable explanation for the vague and unclear movements of a detached god who isn't actually there in any obvious form.

G

                         The new illustrated alphabet Part 7: G is for GOD.

In monotheistic thought, God is conceived of as the supreme being, creator deity, and principal object of faith. God is usually conceived as being omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent and omnibenevolent as well as having an eternal and necessary existence, she/he's also considered by many to either not exist at all or be a bit of a raving cunt. People put god (and gods) into all sorts of things, candles, statues, books, paintings and also indulge in worship, blaming, cursing, sacrificing, praying and feeling obliged to obey godly utterances, rules and "scriptures".  God and gods in general are best avoided so try to live quietly somewhere far away* from the white noise, battles, hatred and warfare done in "god's" holy name etc.